


The Adventures of Kylo and Hux

by jaybirbd



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, crack fic hiding in what may or may not be a serious fic, just for the lolz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 12:11:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7573591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaybirbd/pseuds/jaybirbd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which they hang out at an ice cream parlor, 1LJF- N kidnaps a stomach flu-d Millicent, and Phasma (almost) catches them kissing. Don't take this seriously, it's crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Kylo and Hux

**Author's Note:**

> Kylo wants to "hang out" with Hux at the ice cream parlor.

It had been another long, hard day at the Starkiller base. Or was it night? Hux couldn't really tell. Anyway, 3NFJ had pissed Kylo off for the third time this week, resulting in a fire plus several meltdowns, and Millicent had some sort of cat diarrhea. So called "home remedies" weren't really helping, and Millicent's pooping/ sleeping routine on Kylo's cape and hoodie didn't make situations any better. Although slapping Kylo this afternoon had bordered on satisfactory. Especially since it was in front of Supreme Leader Snoke and how he'd humiliated Ren by "hinting" at how he'd burned important files in a fit of blind rage. 

Sitting at his desk writing a report (aka diary entry) late at night wasn't SO bad, considering how the sound of Kylo having one of his fits in a random storage room close by was amusing. And Phasma didn't mind giving Millicent a bath in warm water and rose petals. Or maybe she'd given his cat to some 'troopers to take care of. Either way, it kept his stress level at bay. Hux didn't mind DOING it (taking care of Millie- poo) but he didn't really want to get his hands dirty ay the moment. 

Hux was just about to go and read, relax, or something when the all- too- familiar sound of boots came stomping from the hall and stopped at his door. Hux didn't bother to open it despite knowing better, but seconds later there were several loud slams on the door. Giggling, Hux waited for Kylo to start shouting rude things before finally, yelling over the curses. "FINE, lean against the door then, Kylo." 

And then, the hugest walking temper tantrum in the universe leaned against the door. And Hux opened it, sending Kylo sprawling backwards onto the cold, hard floor. 

"DAMNIT HUX!!" Kylo screamed, and then made a sorry attempt at peeling himself off the floor. The sassy,sadistic ginger glared at the mess on the ground before snorting. 

"Well, I'll be damned, Kylo." Hux snorted, casually flicking dust off his uniform. "So, came here to trash my room too? That ol' storage room had it coming, didn't it?" 

The jibe only made Kylo's face contort more- which pleased Hux. Torturing Kylo was one of his favorite things to do, besides coddling Millicent. 

"You've got something on your face, Kylo. Unless it IS your face." Hux continued. No reply came from Kylo except for a grunt, and he sat up at Hux's feet. 

"Hmm, okay, be rude to me, Hux." Kylo said, folding his arms around himself like he was a pouting five year old. The look was accentuated by the fact that Kylo sat cross- legged. "You know, I was actually about to offer something NICE for a change but you kinda ruined the mood." 

Hux raised an eyebrow, and leaned against the doorway. "Oh? Kylo Ren, about to do something nice? A couple minutes ago you were in destructive state no. 402. What're you gonna do, toss me down the garbage chute?" The subtle reference played at how Phasma had been shoved into said garbage chute but had climbed out after 5 minutes. 

"You know, I bet you'd rather get your face shoved down the toilet rather than getting an ice cream. Kylo huffed. Hux laughed for a second, then contemplated Kylo's words. Did he just say. . . Ice cream? 

About a month ago, Hux's newfound love for ice cream (he was partial to ice cream) had been the foundation to build an ice cream parlor a few words down. Hux had (personally) wanted it to be next to his room, but after considering how crowded the area would probably be, he decided not to say anything and that's why the parlor is where it is today. 

"Wait a second, did you just. . . Invite me out for some ice cream?" Hux said, gaping a little. Kylo only scrunched up more, and rolled his eyes. 

"No Hux, I asked if you would stick your fingers in an electrical socket. I was trying to do something nice for a change called hanging out? It's what friends do?" Hux wanted to laugh again, but his mouth only twitched. "Hang out?" Was he going crazy? Kylo was definitely bonkers, but. . .

" If you wanted to murder me, you could've said so. Or at least done it in secret." Okay, Kylo was definitely pranking him. Why would, of all people, Kylo Ren, ask HIM, Armitage Hux, to "hang out" at an ice cream parlor? It would've been much better and less weird if Phasma had stuffed them into a "get-along" shirt. 

There HAD to be SOME reason Kylo was being all nice, especially after one of his fits. Hux ran through all of his 80 something hypotheses for about a minute while Kylo sat (still at the same spot) awkwardly twiddling his thumbs. Finally, Hux sighed, punched at the doorway, and instantly regretted his actions. All the while, Kylo had been sitting scrunched up with his arms wrapped around his legs, peering curiously up at the (obviously) annoyed general. 

"Soo. . . You. . . What are you thinking? Are we gonna hang out or. . ." Hux interrupted Kylo with what seemed like an irritated sigh. If Kylo wasn't going to leave him alone about it, then fine. Whatever. 

"You know, I'm just wondering why you're being all nice after you just destroyed a room down the hall. It's kinda weird, especially for you, Kylo." When Kylo gave Hux a quizzical look, he elaborated. "What caused you to crack THIS time, anyway?" 

"Um. . . I stubbed my toe on one of the boxes inside the storage room while I was going through them, and 2M1A laughed at me." Out of all things, that was definitely the most childish reason ever. 

"That's just great. . ." Hux muttered, and Hux jumped up from his spot on the ground. 

"Does that mean we're gonna "hang out," then?" Kylo asked. Hux blew a raspberry at him, and then shrugged. He probably would've said no just to get a reaction from Ren and slammed the door in his face if the little stinker hadn't said, "Phasma's brought Millicent." 

"Damnit Kylo." Hux muttered. 

"Is that a no?" That idiot. 

"Of course not. Let's go."

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't sure if Kylo Ren would be called Kylo, or Ren. I stuck to Kylo. Anyway, there's more to come so stay tuned!


End file.
